Warning: This Blog Will CRACK You Up!!...Wait for it...

As I begin to type, I'm not sure exactly where this entry will take us. I try to write about things that won't cause you to nod off during the second half. I make a strong effort to encourage you to at least crack a smile as you read, and I try to make you....or probably more importantly myself...ponder what some of the wacky events of my life could possibly mean. This entry, I'm going to warn you now, may cause you to learn a bit more about me than you care to...Read on if you dare!

Having said that...Off we go!

Haven't we all been told at least once to not judge a book by its cover? Today's blog takes this bit of advice to an entirely different level. I am, admittedly, a bit of a Plain Jane...I don't buy my skivvies from Vicky's Secret. I buy the kind that come in a bag of six and usually has a FREE BONUS PAIR to sweeten the deal. I also flat out refuse to wear any undies that itch or are built to be stuck in places that I spend time trying to avoid having clothing stuck in in the first place. (Tell me you just cracked a smile...HAHAHA....get it...CRACKed?!?!) OK...back to my story...

Anyway, I'm the girl Gretchen Wilson sang about minus the "drinking beer all night" part. Between you and me, one or two girlie drinks or a bag of orange circus peanuts will do me just fine!

Besides being a bit conservative, I'm the mom of four living in a single income household, and my needs often get put on the back burner. (Now's the time when you get to read more about my underwear...take notes so you know what to get me for Christmas this year : ))

It had been long enough. Some of my undies were in major need of retirement, so when I saw that end cap at Walmart full of shiny plastic bags containing Hanes Cotton Low Rise Briefs in a variety of Easter egg-like colors for a mere $5/package of six with a FREE BONUS PAIR, I knew that I was in business!! Not thinking of anyone else's needs but my own (shame on me), I tossed not one but two crinkly packages into my shopping cart and merrily rolled along to finish my shopping.

I was almost too excited to wait until I got dressed the following day to wear them for the first time, but I held off. Is it completely gross and inappropriate for me to tell you that I was totally okay with wearing my foxy new drawers straight out of the package? Well, I was. Think whatever you want of me...I'm okay with that.

When I got the package out the next morning and tore it open, I was horrified to find that my SIZE 6 HANES COTTON LOW RISE BRIEFS (*bonus points to me for the ingenious insertion of a subliminal message*) were my grandma's size 12 HANES Classic Cotton Briefs. WHAT?!?! My pretty new undies were GRANNY PANTIES.....UGH...All fourteen of them. I checked the packaging once, twice, maybe ten times to make sure that I wasn't cracking up (yep, again with the crack jokes). The package said exactly what I wanted to find inside, but good old Inspector 12, who apparently has a pretty sick sense of humor, had other ideas. HAHA, very, very funny, Inspector 12!!!

Did I wear them and refuse to let my fantastic deal go to waste? No way, José. I may be conservative and wear semi-boring, comfy cotton underwear that are more about fabric and less about string, but I'm not 80!!!! Those suckers went right back in the package and into a pile on the floor to remind me that I would, one day, find this experience funny enough to share with someone else. Lucky you!!!!

Now for the moral of this story... Aw, heck...I don't have a moral. I just like this story!!!! I hope you did, too!!!

Thank you, Pollyanna!

I'm not alone, I'm sure, when I say that I've been through my fair share of crap in my lifetime.  My "crap" is that I've learned, first hand, that some people are poisonous and need to be steered clear of in order to maintain some sense of sanity.  We all have a relative who is the family's proverbial black sheep.  Most people are fortunate enough to have that person be an uncle or a cousin.  Mine, embarrassingly, is my own father.  

He, not by his own choice, moved out of our house when I was nineteen.  I'm not going to go into detail about what led up to him being told that enough was enough.  Being a cry baby and re-hashing the nonsense isn't important.  I do want to share a bit about how I chose to face the situation that, somehow, made things not seem quite as awful as I'm sure they were.

I played a little game that Pollyanna called "The Glad Game" (if you've never seen this classic Disney film, SHAME ON YOU...stop reading, rent it and watch it right away!!)  The point of the game is to take something unpleasant and see it in a different light so that the focus changes to the good points of the situation rather than the bad.  I played this game faithfully after he left and realized that a lot of good had come from this painful change in our lives.  For example, GOULASH...a simple meal that my mom, brother and I could only enjoy when he was away because it wasn't his preferred meat and potatoes type of meal was now fair game for any night of our choosing.  There were many, many good things that I found that may not seem like a big deal to many, but, to us, they were the silver lining.

My point here is this: Life will hand us all garbage.  Sometimes we get lucky and it's nothing more than a gum wrapper that we can quickly scoop up, toss in the trash and be done with it.  Unfortunately, once in awhile, an entire dumpster (or 2 or 10) gets emptied onto our front steps.  It's a lot to sort through, our hands will get messy and we will probably be exhausted by the clean up for awhile, but it will seem a bit less overwhelming if we search for the silver lining of it all.  

Don't get me wrong, I've been hurt and angry.  I've cried (and still do from time to time) and yelled, but I've also laughed and smiled and found a deep sense of satisfaction knowing that life is good in spite of him and all he's put us through.   

Anyway, at the risk of sounding nauseatingly cliche, sometimes life hands you lemons...

Mood Enhancement Therapy

Today didn't exactly start out on the best note.  I could write a long saga about it and drag you into my business, but I won't.  You're welcome!  Instead I will sip on my healthy breakfast shake and dig myself out of my funk with a little help from my friends Henry, JoJo and Ringo.  Music.  Thank you, God, for music!  Seconds after popping in my favorite cd, I am lost in the Texican rhythm and the way it makes me forget about .... Um...I forgot.  

Anyway, the things I have to do today are so much like what I did just yesterday that, if I weren't a fairly intelligent gal, I'd think I was smack in the middle of the movie "Groundhog Day".  Dishes, laundry, cleaning up the messes left by my favorite little people, dogs out, dogs in, make lunch, help with homework, plan dinner, and who knows what else.  Somehow, it's okay now.  I've been transported to a better place, and I haven't even left my house.   Whatever life has in store for me today, I will handle it "Texican Style."  Thanks, LLB!!  

My Name Is Kristen and I Can Fetch Bacon

About 8 years ago, after our first boy child came into this world, the hubby and I made the decision for me to become a stay-at-home mama. Nowhere in the known universe is there a job that is as challenging and gratifying...I'm convinced of this, and no one can change my mind.

Anyway, now that my family is growing up and (*sniffle*) doesn't NEED me as much as they used to, I've gone back to work part-time. I'm hoping that it will lessen the burden on my LEW, who has NEVER once complained about being the sole fetcher of the bacon. I'm not a teacher as I always thought I knew I was meant to be. I'm working in a local, newly opened restaurant called Wienerville (laugh if you must, but I LOVE IT!!) as the Assistant Manager/Server.

I love it for so many reasons. Number one, I have a name! The name that was given to me on the day I arrived in this world is the name I'm known by. I'm not Mama or (insert offspring's name here)'s mom. I am me, Kristen and I will be taking care of you today.

Secondly, I actually get paid! No kidding. Honest to goodness money. Not buckets of it, but it's mine. I earned it..WAHOO!! I will be thrilled to cash my first check, which I was handed by my boss this evening who knows all too well how good it feels to get that first paycheck after years of working for hugs and kisses. I can't wait to hand that bank envelope to my husband and know that, for the first time in years, I, Kristen, have fetched some bacon, too!!

All Aboard The Blogger Bandwagon!

OK, so I'm not a blogger and I'm not a professional at anything earth-shattering that I can sit down and write about. I'm just a wife, a mother of four and a thrity-something woman who is going to do her very best to leave behind a legacy that will make her children proud (and maybe a little embarrassed...but in a good way) that she was put on this earth to be their mom.

I enjoy a lot of things and have yet to discover what I want to be when I grow up. I thought, for the better part of my growing up years, that being a teacher was the only job for me. Then motherhood happened, and all of my plans changed. From the moment I held Mackenzie for the first time, I knew that the only thing I really wanted to do was to be the best mom I could be for her. That was nearly 11 years and 3 babies ago. Now our youngest is approaching 3 which means pre-school is coming. NOW WHAT?!?! WHO AM I ANYWAY?!?!

This is the very question I've been pondering and part of the reason for starting this blog. I'll also be blogging some of my random, unpredictable experiences as a mom of 4, and I'll share with you some of my other passions along the way. Thanks for joining me on my quest!